Video Games - Get a Life

I’m a gamer. I have been for more than 35 years; since I had my first Grandstand TV Game console.

Back then, the equivalent of Fifa was two sets of two white bars that moved only up and down. You had to hit a white square that bounced around the screen and stop it getting through the gap on the side of the screen that represented your goal. It was pre-historic in comparison to today’s multi-million pound blockbusters, but it was just as much fun, and had the same kind of longevity, because – at the time – it was cutting-edge home entertainment technology.

Fast forward to now, and the behemoth that is Fifa is a good place to start. I played against someone online earlier this year. He had obviously spent a fortune on the game in terms of money and time. He had all the best possible players; a team that boasted Lionel Messi, Cristiano Ronaldo, and Franck Ribery, to name but a few. I had a team with only a few gold players and the rest silver. Needless to say, it was a very one-sided game. But this dipshit, rather than being a good sport, was totally disrespectful and displayed all the worst characteristics of the stereotypical gamer. So, at the end of the game, I messaged him, expressing my disgust at his conduct. He then messaged me back something I’ll never forget: “Ooh, well jel.”

I had to point out to him, of course I’m not jealous; I’m a grown up. Although I’m disabled now I have had a life. And I had to point out to him that being good at Fifa doesn’t mean you’re good at football in real life. You can be great at Fifa and still be the gawky fat kid who’s always picked last for the football team.

Gamers – get a life, for fuck’s sake. Stop getting too involved in your cyber life because IT’S NOT FUCKING REAL.

It’s like all that bollocks involving Leigh Alexander earlier this year. She was actually getting death threats.

Hey, all you little boys out there – just because you’re good at Call of Duty, it doesn’t mean you’re a real life fucking killer. If you’d like me to prove that to you, please get in touch. I’m NOT good at Call of Duty; however, I am a mental patient capable of real life killing. So come on, threaten to kill me, but do it to my face.

The same goes for trolls; those creepy little bastards that abuse others online because they know they can’t get their faces caved in. They call themselves cyber warriors and cyber activists. No; you’re all fucking cyber tossers. Again, I extend my invitation to you little turds: hurl abuse at me, but be a man and do it to my face instead of sitting there behind your keyboard.

I’m disgusted at the way some people are behaving these days. It’s these sad little mommy’s boys who bring gaming down. They need to go out, find out what it’s like to kiss a girl, and always remember that, yes you may be good at gaming, but IT’S NOT REAL.