I hate David Cameron

I have never made a secret of my utter loathing for this vile man, but after what happened yesterday I can't even look at his face on television without wanting to punch it.
It is my humble opinion that he ordered Prince Charles's car to be deliberately sent down Oxford Street to give him something to deflect attention from the fact that he is an utter twat.

Facebook Fears

Do you know who all of your "friends" are on Facebook?
I mean do you REALLY know? Have you ever met them and confirmed that they are who they say they are?
Think about it - that 19 year old hunk with the six-pack who you confirmed as a friend yesterday could turn out to be a 33 year old psychopath. This is exactly what happened to Ashleigh Hall, a 17 year old girl from the north-east.
She met a man named Peter Cartwright on Facebook. She was attracted to the bare-chested pictures of him on his profile. He said he was 19 years old. They arranged to meet.
19 year old Peter Cartwright turned out to actually be 33 year old Peter Chapman, a serial sex offender who had once raped two prostitutes at knife-point.
So, how did this 33 year old man get this 17 year old girl into his car? Simple - he said he was Peter's dad. He then took her to a quiet place where he raped and murdered her.
So, I'll ask again - do you really know who all of your "friends" are on Facebook?
That's the problem, isn't it - we can be absolutely anybody we want online. I could say I was a 17 year old boyband candidate with a washboard stomach and a promising career as a striker for Manchester United, instead of the middle aged grumpy old git with a paunch that I really am. Anyone can say anything.
A mate of mine went on one of those online dating sites, and he showed me the picture of a woman he'd been chatting to and was hoping to meet up with. I thought he was taking the piss. This woman he'd been chatting to actually had the nerve to put an old picture of Lily Allen on her profile and claim it was her. Now, I don't know Lily Allen personally, but I would like to take a guess that she's not a filing clerk from Walsall. I pointed all of this out to my friend, and even showed him the Lily Allen picture on the internet, and he was furious. Needless to say, he expressed his feelings quite colourfully to this woman in an email.
Of course, that's a quite silly situation, and I wouldn't dream of comparing it with the tragedy of poor Ashleigh. But you can see the similarities - you really don't know who anyone is on the internet unless you already know them.
The internet is a place where anyone can be anything they want to be. The 30-year-old nerd who still lives with his mom and spends most of his time in his bedroom can call himself a cyber-terrorist. He can go on World of Warcraft and be a gallant knight on a white steed instead of the fat bloke in his underpants eating cheesy Wotsits that he really is.
People like him are - for the most part - harmless. But then you have that darker, shadowy world of the internet predators who seek out vulnerable people to do them harm. People like Peter Chapman; the worst kind of scum. Like rancid Hyeanas, they lurk in the background, taking their time, looking for the weakest member of the internet herd before zoning in on them. They prey on our children, our siblings and our parents. No one is safe, and nothing is sacred.
So, one last time, I'm going to ask the question - do you REALLY know who your "friends" are on Facebook?

Death Wish

Is vigilante justice ever justified?
If society feels that the government is not protecting them enough, can they ever have a reasonable excuse for taking the law into their own hands?
What I'm leading to here is the question of Jon Venables, the monster who - at just ten years old - with his friend Robert Thompson, murdered two-year-old Jamie Bulger in one of the most horrific killings this country has ever seen.
After serving only 8 years for their appalling crime, and despite public outrage, the two were released under licence. This meant they were given new identities, a home and an income, but with certain conditions imposed on them. Now Venables has been called back to jail, and the newspapers are suggesting that he has committed a very serious crime, perhaps even a sexual one.
So, the twisted monster that is Jon Venables has claimed another victim. Will Jack Straw now admit that he was wrong and incompetent and step down? I doubt it. He's on to a good thing with his salary and generous expenses. I'm sure he will blame someone else and slime his way out of it like a slug in a cabbage patch.
Anyway, the point is that the government is failing in its duty to protect the public by releasing this animal, and refusing to identify him . They say they worry for his safety.
Tough shit!
The bastard wasn't worried for Jamie's safety when he and his sick friend stoned the poor kid to death. And, of course, the fact that he has been called back to jail shows that he was neither rehabilitated nor sorry for what he had done. He just went back out into society, knowing that he could do anything he wanted and the government would protect him - and that's exactly what he did.
Under normal circumstances, I would condemn violence, but I think in this case, bearing in mind the fact that he has committed a serious re-offence, it may be justified. His identity should be revealed, and he should be left at the mercy of the other prisoners. He certainly wouldn't cause anyone else any misery if that happened, and if he got himself killed, then it serves him right. He should think about this before he goes out destroying people's lives.
What kind of message is it sending out to these sickos that the government is protecting him? "Oh, don't worry, you animals - if you commit a sick, abominable crime against a child, you'll be out in 8 years, and we'll give you a new identity, a home and an income, and we'll protect you. So, go on out there and have some fun."
It's sickening. It's time the government and the PC lobby realised that their stupid, liberal ideas are not deterring violent criminals. Crime, and society in general, is becoming harder and more violent. But it seems as crime gets more violent, the punishment gets more lenient. These people need to take a step into the real world, have one of their relatives kicked to death in the street, and see if they still want to take the softly-softly approach to these bastards.
I saw a video on television the other night showing a woman with her friend on a night out, minding her own business and doing no harm to anyone. Then a yob came walking along, and for no reason whatsoever headbutted her in the face. There was no provocation, no reason for it, he just did it. I think this illustrates just how bad it's getting out there. Not only are these thugs attacking without reason, but also they have absolutely no honour. Whatever happened to a man should never hit a woman?
That dick should be kneecapped for such an attack. Cripple the bastard and don't give him any disability benefits. I'll bet anything that if that happened a few times then the number of these violent attacks would drop like a stone.
But it's not going to happen, is it. Why should it? The people who make our laws have got security; they're protected, so it doesn't affect them. As for the rest of us - well, we're just going to have to do the best we can.

Fort Apache, The College

My daughter leaves school this year and is planning to go into further education. I suggested she look at the college I went to because it was pretty good when I went there.
She went to take a look this week, and I couldn't believe what she told me about the place. It now has security guards and metal detectors because they have problems with violence, and students carrying knives.
What the hell is happening to this country? What's gone wrong when even colleges have to have prison-like security measures? Has our society broken down that much?
And what's wrong with kids today anyway? When I was young you had a fight, and you'd beat the crap out of each other, but only with fists and feet. Back then the opinion was that only poofs and cowards used weapons of any kind. It implied that they weren't hard enough to fight without them. So is that it? Are our youth turning into poofs and cowards, using weapons and attacking people mob-handed?
And whatever happened to honour among combatants? The rule used to be that when someone's down and doesn't look like they're going to get up then that's it; fight over; you don't hit someone when they're down that way. Nowadays, they just keep going, stamping on their head, kicking and punching them, even if they're unconscious. It's like beating someone up isn't good enough anymore; now you have to leave them crippled, brain-damaged or even dead. Why? Are our youth today so unsure of themselves? Are they so insecure about who they are?
How did it get to this point where it's even dangerous to go to college? These people who go there with knives, and who act violently towards other students - why do they go there? It's not compulsory. Why don't they just stay at home, in their rooms, within four walls? It will prepare them for their future in prison, and it will allow normal kids to get an education, so everybody wins.
And what's the point of asbos? These thugs see them as a badge of honour; a reward for their violent ways. It's like rewarding a dog for chewing your shoe. They should make them more embarrassing for the thugs so that they're more of a punishment. As the comedian Frankie Boyle said, they should call them Gaybos or something. Then, if they still don't change their ways, they should be forced to have a tattoo on their forehead saying, "I like it up the arse." That'll teach them.
Little shits.

We Have Ways of Making You Talk

Prime Minister Gordon Brown is giving evidence at the Iraq Inquiry today. Scotland's answer to The Terminator is talking about his part in the whole mess. He was Chancellor of the Exchequer at the time, and as expected, the overlying gist of his testimony can be boiled down to, "I didn't do anything wrong, Gov. I just provided the money. It was Blair what did it."
I can't help wondering why this inquiry is taking place. We now have the benefit of hindsight, and unless you've been living under a rock for the past few years, you'll know that the war in Iraq was illegal. Saddam Hussein did not have weapons of mass destruction and Blush knew it. That's right, I called Blair and Bush Blush, kind of like the Brangelina thing, because with those two, Blair's face was so far up Bush's arse that it was hard to tell where one ended and the other began.
I think we all know that the real reason for the war was to ensure Blush's pension and to establish military bases in the area for two reasons: 1) To control the diminishing natural resources over there. 2) To give them somewhere to strike from if and when they decide to mix it up with Iran.
One of the funniest things about it all is that Tony Blair is now a middle east envoy. Isn't that like making Hitler the ambassador to Poland?
As for Bush, he's going around doing speaking engagements. Nice one, George - play to your strengths, mate. It may be that I'm being a little harsh there, because I hear the kids at one of Texas's primary schools said his "what I did in my summer holidays" was the best since little Billy-Joe Jimbob related the fascinating story about his cousin's marriage to his sister.
I still don't know the reasoning behind this inquiry. What's it going to achieve? When it's all over, is Blush going to face criminal charges for being one of the biggest mass murderers of his generation?
I'm not a conspiracy theorist, but I honestly believe that the whole mess was about money, and that certain parties have made a fortune from it. Are these people going to be brought to justice for it? I doubt it. Still, as a Christian, I believe a higher court will take care of them. Perhaps the devil will take the stuff they invaded Iraq for, boil it and dip them in it. Maybe Saddam Hussein will be standing over them, laughing and saying, "I bet you wish you'd invaded Holland now, don't you, you bastards! You'd be surrounded by prostitutes, pornography and cannabis now instead of this."
At the end of the day, you have to wonder at the justice in this world when whether or not you are accused and punished as a war criminal depends on whether you won or lost.

God Must Be Very Angry With Them

I saw an item on the news today, and I'm embarrassed to say I almost choked with laughter. I couldn't help it; for the first time ever I've found some people who are unluckier than me.
There's a family who were in the Haiti earthquake. They decided it was too dangerous to stay there so they left the country...and went to Chile.
How unlucky must you be to survive an earthquake, flee the country, and of all the other places you could go to, you go to the one that's struck by the strongest earthquake in recent time? I can just imagine them, standing there in Chile, and the ground starts shaking and they say, "Oh, for God's sake...!"
I'm trying to find out where they're going next so I can avoid it.

David CaMORON

Please, for the love of God, and for the sake of what remains of my sanity, will someone with access to David Cameron please smash his face in. Every time I see the smarmy git on television I just want to wrap a cricket bat around his head. He's like a huge set of lips rushing towards the nearest arse.
And what's all this crap with him trying to pretend he's a normal person? A working class hero? He's about as working class as the Queen's arse-crack.
How dare this nob compare himself to people like me. He was born with a silver spoon in his mouth - the nearest I ever got to silver spoon when I was a kid was the brand of sugar my mom used to buy. Normal people aren't born into wealth. My dad was an electrician, my mom was a lazy cow. Needless to say, money was just what other people had. I bet Cameron never heard his dad shout, "Start turning the bloody lights off when you're not in the room - we can't go on holiday this year because of the electric bill."
Cameron went to a school where there were people called "head boy" and "fag". I went to a school where "head boy" meant a mental case and a "fag" was something you smoked behind the science labs.
He went to a school where they served gourmet foods on silver plates. I went to a school where they didn't so much cook the food as assassinate it. We had overcooked vegetables, sausages that really did look like detached penises, and you won a prize if you could identify the pudding. At my school, Spotted Dick wasn't a dessert - it was a medical complaint.
Then there was that photograph of him on public transport, desperately trying to show how normal he was. I noticed there was no one sitting next to him. I'm sure his entourage cleared the whole carriage for him. I bet that was the only time he's ever been on public transport. I bet he's never been on his way home on the night bus and had some fat, smelly drunk with his flies open sit next to him and start talking to him about how his wife doesn't understand him and his kids are little bastards, and all the while he's spraying your face with saliva that's at least 70% proof.
Let's face it, Cameron, you're a posh twat. You were born a posh twat; you've lived your life as a posh twat, and you'll die a posh twat. And your funeral will be attended by a load of other posh twats.
I beg of you, people of Britain, please do not vote for this man. I promise you, if you do, you won't be able to hear yourself think for the sound of lips connecting with arse cheeks.

World Cup Woes

The World Cup is only a few months away, and the excitement's already building. Unfortunately, since I was born after England's 1966 victory, my experience of the World Cup has been very much like the Paris Hilton sex tape - a lot of anticipation, a huge build-up, ultimately leading to disappointment.
When you look at the England team-sheet, we should beat any team on the planet. We have world class players all over the field with the likes of Rooney, Milner, Crouch, Terry and Ferdinand.
England's problem, though, is that they're too honest for their own good. They don't dive enough. There are no Cristiano Ronaldo's or Arjen Robbens in the England team. Not for them the theatrical diving and melodramatic writhing on the floor, feigning injury only to jump to their feet as soon as the ball comes near them. Not for them the dirty tricks, trying to get other players booked or sent off.
I'm not saying England should start doing all that stuff. In fact, I'm quite proud of the fact that they don't. But I think it's time people started coming down hard on the cheats.
Players should be allowed to give them a good kicking for diving, especially the ones like Robben, who go flying onto the floor if there's even a strong gust of wind. While he's there, writhing on the floor as if he has just been kneecapped, someone should go over and kick him in the balls and say, "Yeah! Now moan, you cheating bastard!"
These cheats are ruining the game of football. It's supposed to be a man's game and they're acting like utter poofs.
Look at John Terry: Whatever his behaviour off the pitch, when he's on it you have to knock him out cold to put him down. Wayne Rooney - you have to break his foot.
Then look at Cristiano Ronaldo: You only have to breathe on him wrong and he goes down like he's been shot. It's a disgrace.
Anyway, hope springs eternal, as they say, so I'll be watching every game and cheering our boys on. But at the first sign of a penalty shoot out I'm throwing the telly out of the window.

Killing Time

Peter Sutcliffe, the Yorkshire Ripper, who bludgeoned at least 7 women to death in a reign of terror that shook this country to its roots, has asked to go to court so that he can be given a finite sentence so he knows when he will get out of prison. Let's hope the criminal justice system will save the taxpayers the cost of such a futile application and just write to him, saying, "You want to know when you'll get out? NEVER, YOU TWAT. YOU'RE A PSYCHOPATHIC MENTAL CASE. THE ONLY WAY YOU'RE GETTING OUT OF NICK IS FEET FIRST."
Can you believe it? This is one of the most vicious and brutal killers in British history and he wants to know when he's getting out. He's already costing the taxpayers £65,000 a year to keep him. Why don't they just tell him he's getting out right away and then shoot him in the head.
Apparently, he's changed his name, too. Peter Sutcliffe is now Peter Koonan. Why should he be allowed to do that? It makes you wonder what other privileges he's getting.
I've never understood why people campaign for human rights for people like Peter Sutcliffe. Surely by doing what he did, he forfeited his human rights. He certainly forfeited the rights of at least 7 women - the basic right to life - when he brutally murdered them. So, why is it one rule for them and another for him?
He surely can't be rehabilitated. You can't tell me that anyone who did what he did can ever be rehabilitated. Killing one person is bad enough, but killing as many as he did?!!! And how he did it?!!!!
Oh, and his reason for doing it? When he was working as a gravedigger, God spoke to him from a grave and told him to do it.
Have you ever noticed how these mental cases who murder people say that God told them to do it? As a Christian I find that a bit annoying. Why doesn't God ever tell these people to go out and help the poor and the sick? I know if I was working and God started talking to me, the minute he started mentioning bludgeoning women to death with a hammer this would ring some alarm bells for me. I'd be thinking, "Hold on! I don't think everything's quite on the line here. Maybe this is someone pretending to be God. I wouldn't expect God to ask me to do something like that. When he spoke to Moses, he gave him the Ten Commandments; he certainly didn't say go out and beat women to death with a staff."
I do hope the court tells him to bugger off. If he wants to get out they should just send him a rope with a noose on the end. Then it's up to him when he gets out.

Cole Alone

So, Cheryl Cole is looking to leave Girls Aloud and go solo.
Silly cow!!!
Obviously she's believing the publicity about her too much.
How many times have we seen people go solo and bomb worse than a pork pie at a Jewish wedding.
Cases in point: Ronan Keating, Gary Barlow, Alesha Dixon, plus many more.
This is all a question of ego. Certain members of a band, because they're getting a lot of positive publicity, suddenly decide they've grown too big for the band and decide they could be more successful on their own. They don't seem to realise that the whole is greater than the sum of the parts. Perhaps someone should tell these people and prevent them from ending up on programmes like Big Brother, Strictly Come Dancing and I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here.
Going solo after being in a band is a very difficult task, and very few artists do it successfully. Even Freddie Mercury, as talented as he was, couldn't carve out a solo career for himself.
So, let's look at Cheryl Cole: She hadn't got what it takes to become a singer on her own, so she went on a reality talent show. Through this, she ended up in a band made up of five girls of varying type, with something to appeal to all different tastes. The sexuality of this band was played up, increasing public attention. They were thrust into the limelight with all their songs written for them. Each was given a makeover to increase their appeal, especially Cheryl Cole, who looks a great deal different now than she did when she first appeared on television.
Girls Aloud have enjoyed success, but they're not exactly legends. Musically speaking, they are like the jam doughnut you might sometimes eat with a cup of coffee - nice and sweet in moderation, but get too much of it and you'll be in the toilet chucking your guts up.
So, Cheryl Cole is leaving a mediocre, lightweight group to pursue a solo career. So, look forward to seeing her on Dancing on Ice in a couple of years, perhaps a reality show of her own, and a lot of column inches in all the lifestyle magazines.
Cheryl, you've got a good thing going. Don't let your ego write cheques that your talent can't cash.

I've Got An Election

Well, it's that time again. There's a general election coming up soon and the campaigning has begun in earnest. For the next few months we're going to be bombarded with the different parties saying how they're right and everyone else is wrong.
The problem is that they're all shite.
Gordon Brown is probably the least popular Prime Minister Britain has ever had. That's probably because he's so inept.
Then there's David "I'll say anything to get your vote" Cameron. I cannot stand that man. He has to be the ultimate posh twat, but he keeps trying to make out he's an average, working class guy. He even uses public transport!!!! But only when there's a photo opportunity, of course.
He's so desperate to be Tony Blair, but he hasn't even got the personality to be Lionel Blair. He's just a twat on a bike.
Then there's Nick Clegg. He's the leader of the Liberal Democrat Party. I can't help wondering why they even bother. Even their own MPs say they haven't got a chance of winning the election. If I was them, I would have some fun with it, and make some outrageous promises. I mean, it doesn't really matter what they say because they're never going to win anyway. They could promise no tax whatsoever, a butler for every household, and a ritual sacrifice on every second Saturday of the month.
I really don't like politicians. They're all out to feather their own nests and really don't give a shit about the people they're supposed to represent. The recent expenses scandal shows that.
These nobheads, these so-called shepherds of our society, when they were confronted about their outrageous expense claims, all came out with the same answer: "We always operated within the rules."
Wonderful; they were operating within the rules. Of course, they felt no moral compunction about claiming for stuff like moat-cleaning, a duck house, and pornography. They didn't think to themselves, "Well, I know it's within the rules, but I'm supposed to be an honest, upstanding member of the community. So, I have a moral responsibility not to fleece the public."
No they just went ahead and claimed for these ridiculous things, knowing that while it was legally right; it was morally reprehensible.
How can a porn film for a politician's husband conceivably be classed as a legitimate expense? Was she looking for new ways to screw us all?
Anyway, I think I'm going to avoid television for a while. I don't think I can stand all the electioneering and arse-kissing. If I wanted someone to lie to me and make promises they won't keep I'd just get married again.

Road Rage

Is it just me, or are the roads filling up with more and more with dickheads?
Tonight, for instance, when I took my daughter back to her mothers' after her regular visit, I pulled in to let a car come through because it had right of way...and the dickhead behind me decided to overtake me! God, it's a horrible thing to say, but when you see these people you just hope they hit a tree.
And what's this thing where people drive around with their foglights on when the roads are absolutely clear? Do they think it makes them look cool? To right-minded people they just look like nobs.
Oh, and an even better one is when people drive around with their foglights on because they think this compensates for the fact that one of their headlights isn't working. Oh yes, of course, that makes it all right doesn't it. Just like the guy who flashes money in night clubs to try to compensate for the fact that he's an ugly bastard.
Indicators - those flashing yellow lights that tell other road-users what you're going to do. Fewer and fewer people are using them. What - are we expected to guess what they're planning to do? How annoying is it when you're waiting at a roundabout and you stop because a car's coming up to the right exit, and then it suddenly turns off without any indication whatsoever? Aaaargh! Why don't you pull over and let me smash your indicators - you obviously don't need them because you don't use the buggers.
My final complaint concerns manners, those little things that cost nothing yet so few road-users seem to have them anymore. It's like when you pull over to let someone pass and they don't thank you. You feel like saying, "Yes, mate. My bloody pleasure. Enjoy the rest of your journey...and please don't get rear-ended by an articulated lorry."
I'm sorry for complaining, but driving can be stressful enough - especially in rush-hour traffic - so the last thing you need is these vehicular morons making it worse. There should be a new offence created - "just generally being a twat on the road" - to deal with them.

Well Said, Julia

As an avid videogamer, essential viewing for me is Gameface and Ginx Files on Bravo on Saturday mornings. On this morning's show, presenter Julia Hardy responded to the latest round of do-gooders jumping on the "video games are evil and corruptive" bandwagon. The latest round is basically a re-hash of everything that has been said before, criticising the content of video games as being inappropriate for younger players. I think Julia responded admirably to this, pointing out that movies and other mainstream media also contain material inappropriate for younger people, and it's their parents' responsibility to monitor them and ensure that age classifications are adhered to.
The criticism of video games is simply scapegoating, using this medium as something to blame for society's ills. It's an easy target, and in an era of passing the buck it's an ideal way to shift attention from the real problems in society - irresponsible parenting, social deprivation, political indifference - the list goes on.
Perhaps these critics should take a look at the positive aspects of videogaming. These kids who are sitting there, playing those games, are not on the streets being exposed to the growing cultures of drugs, gangs and knife crime.
What would they be doing if they weren't playing these games? There are very few youth clubs or social clubs these days, more and more playing fields are having houses built on them, so what are they going to do in their spare time? Just wander the streets, getting bored and ending up getting into trouble? Display themselves as easy targets to get sucked into the world of gangs and drugs?
The do-gooders may suggest they read a book, which is a good idea. I read a lot of books myself, and it's a great pursuit. However, they can't just sit there reading books all the time. If they did, these same do-gooders would be saying that kids are not socialising with each other and losing social skills - another criticism they are aiming at the computer generation. They don't realise that the growing world of online multiplayer gaming is actually offering them a new platform for interacting with each other.
It's time these mis-informed grannies stopped blaming everything on the content of video games. Life itself is full of content inappropriate for younger people. Every time you turn on the television or pick up a newspaper there are stories about rape and murder and other horrific crimes. Note - hardly any of the people committing these crimes are videogamers. Were video games responsible for Baby P's death? Did video games turn Gary Glitter into a paedophile? How many video games did the Yorkshire Ripper play?
Video games are an important entertainment medium with a valid and positive contribution to make to society. So, on behalf of gamers, I say to these critics, please leave them alone and start trying to tackle the real causes of society's problems.

Chilean Earthquake

A major earthquake in Chile, this one not long after the one in Haiti. Is it just me, or do there seem to be more earthquakes lately? It's like the world is getting sick of us abusing it and is just showing us who is the real boss in this relationship.
I wonder who will arrange the charity song this time and which one they will choose?
Call me cynical, but I get a bit fed up of seeing these mega-rich superstars "giving their time free of charge" to make these cheesy, basically crap songs. If they just had a whip-round they could raise a lot more than their charity single ever could, especially in these days of illegal downloads.
I remember the late eighties, there was a real fashion for charity singles for any old reason. It was like - there's been a car crash, let's make a charity single; some old woman lost her purse - charity single; the last charity single didn't do very well so let's make another charity single to help the last one.
I think Bob Geldof has a lot to answer for.
Still, I guess it wasn't as bad as it is now, in this era of egos, where everyone on the single is trying to outperform all the others - kind of missing the point of it, really.
Anyway, my thoughts and prayers are with the people of Chile today, and I promise I won't illegally download their charity song.

Terrorism - Is It Worth It?

I really don't understand terrorism. I don't see the point of it. I don't recall any case in history where terrorists have got what they want with their bombing campaigns.
After 9/11, did the US say, "Right, okay, you win. We'll adopt Sharia Law and all worship Islam?"
After 7/7, did the UK say, "Oh dear, you've beaten us - we'll do what you say from now on."
So, what's the point of terrorism? It's just men blowing themselves up, leaving behind wives and children, and really achieving nothing. Also, I don't know about anyone else, but I can't imagine their wives being too happy about why they're doing it. These men are promised 50 virgins in heaven for their sacrifice. Surely their wives must be thinking, "So, am I not woman enough for him? Maybe I should spit in his dinner."
There have been some more suicide bombings in Afghanistan this morning. The Taliban have claimed responsibility. But why do it? It's their own country, their own people and property. It's like keying your own car, or driving a truck into your own front door. I really don't understand it.
It doesn't even work anyway. The UK populace were certainly not terrorised by the 7/7 bombings. The next day, they were all out there again, waiting for buses and the tube, and still complaining that they were late.
As for what they did in Scotland, they obviously didn't do their homework first. The Scottish are much too hard to succumb to terrorist attacks. To illustrate this point, just look at what happened when they tried to bomb Glasgow airport: The terrorist was on fire, and one of the Glasgow men beat him up. Talk about adding insult to injury! The bloke's in flames and there's some big Scottish guy punching him in the face.
You could set a bomb off right next to a Scotsman and he would just look at you and say, "Is that the best you can do?" Then he'll beat the crap out of you.
So, terrorists, please give it up. It's not working.

Falklands Reprise

The Falkland Islands has long been a bone of contention between Britain and Argentina, who claim sovereignty over the islands that they call "Islas Malvinas".
In the early eighties, our two countries even went to war over them. Argentina decided to occupy the islands and establish their sovereignty over them. Britain sent our forces in, and in a short, exceptionally bloody war for its length, drove the Argentinians out.
This particular powder keg is primed to blow up again. The touch paper has been lit, and now it just remains to see if it will be doused, or if it will explode again.
At the moment, it's just handbags at ten paces, with posturing and a few lightly veiled threats. Argentina has imposed conditions on passing through its waters.
However, what makes this situation so dangerous is that geogolists say there is a bonanza of oil in the area. Suddenly, the Falkland Islands have become extremely valuable as whoever controls that oil will make billions from it.
Drilling has started, which Argentina is already unhappy about.
So, what happens if and when oil is found?
Well, consider this:
Britain's armed forces are terribly stretched with the situation in the Middle East.
Argentina has the support of its neighbours, who are even talking about setting up a coalition of South American countries which will exclude the US.
When oil is found, a foreign nation will be making billions of pounds from a reserve located within a couple of hundred miles of the coast of Argentina, a location they already argue belongs to them.
Imagine this; it's like some foreigner coming over and taking all the vegetables you'd been growing in your garden to sell at the local food fair. Needless to say, you would be furious.
I think that once oil is found in that area, we are going to see a new war break out. And this could escalate into the third world war that people are predicting.
These tiny islands, inhabited by a small population, could trigger events that could suck the world into armageddon.
Think about it: Argentina already has the support of its neighbours. How much support will it get if it offers them a share of the oil wealth?
If Britain goes to war with these nations, then the US will be obliged to help. This may suck Russia in on the opposing side. A European coalition could be formed, drawing more nations into the conflict, and bringing part of the theatre of war to Europe. With Britain and US distracted, the Taliban will grow stronger and reestablish itself. Iran will continue its nuclear development, as will North Korea. The war in the middle east will probably start with Israel and then spread across the area. The two Koreas will clash, bringing China into the conflict, and this will eventually draw Japan in.
It might all sound a bit dramatic when you consider the Falklands is just a tiny group of islands. But, don't forget, the First World War was started with a single gunshot.

9/11 - Conspiracy or Tragedy?

I just watched a movie called "Loose Change". This movie argues that the attacks on 9/11 were an inside job, that the Bush Administration planned and executed this atrocity.
Now, I find conspiracy theories fascinating. I think they are enthralling stories about various incidents in history. However, to be honest, I don't think I really believe them. If these theories were true, then every tragic accident or incident in history has been orchestrated by someone or other with a hidden agenda.
9/11 I find exceptionally hard to accept as a conspiracy. The simple reason for this is that I can't believe anyone could be so evil as to plan the murders of so many people. Perhaps I'm being like people during the war who simply could not believe the magnitude of the Holocaust.
I would never dream of comparing the tragedy of the Holocaust to 9/11, but what I am saying is that if the conspiracy theory was true, then such a huge disregard for human life would put George Bush on a par with Hitler or Pol Pot. I know the man's a dick, and has been involved in some questionable ventures, but surely even he could not knowingly execute planned mass murder. If he could, then I think it's a sad day for humanity.

Sour Grapes

I think we all know someone like this - someone who likes you to get along in life...as long as you don't become more successful than they are. If you do, then watch out, because this person will do anything they can to bring you down, even resorting to bare-faced lies.
Why are some people like that? Life is hard enough as it is; why should we wish other people harm?
My sister-in-law is one of these people. I always used to like her, but my mom always used to tell me, "Watch out for her - she's a nasty piece of work."
I took this with a pinch of salt; but then I made the fatal mistake of becoming successful, so she lay in wait until the chance came along for her to bring me down, and God did she do so, resorting to absurd lies to try to destroy my life. How sick is that? It wouldn't be so bad if I had ever done anything to her, but I've always protected my family, and even sorted a problem out for her and my brother when they were conned by a double-glazing salesman.
I guess some people are just born evil and live their lives that way.

The End of the World?

Some people believe that the world is going to end in 2012. These same people believed the world was going to end in the year 2000, and about every two or three years since. No doubt if the world doesn't end in 2012 the doomsayers will choose another date for the world to end.
But what if they're right this time? What if the world does end in 2012?
Shouldn't we be taking this last couple of years we have left to put everything right? Shouldn't we be making everything right with the world and each other so that when the end comes, we can all hold hands and scream together when we're consumed by fire or whatever is going to end mankind?
Wouldn't it be cool if the world ended during the opening ceremony of the 2012 Olympic Games in London? That would certainly beat the Chinese one. It would be the opening ceremony to end all others...

Grumpy Old Man

I'll be forty later this year, and according to my daughter, this makes me ancient. I've noticed that I'm becoming more grumpy as I get older. Things seem to be bothering me more and more.
Nobhead drivers are one of my worst irritations - those people who just pull out on you, who turn without signalling, and ignore road signs that clearly give you the right of way. One of these days, I would love to drive my car into the back of one of those idiots that pull out on me, just to upset him as he has upset me.

Katie Price is another one - Why can't she just FUCK OFF!!!!!!
I'm sick of seeing her stupid face on the television and the front of magazines every day. I'm not interested in her stupid life and fame addiction. The only thing she's really famous for anyway is getting her tits out as the model named Jordan. So what? Buy The Sun newspaper every day - or just search Google - and you'll get all the tits you want (including David Cameron).

People who nick my parking space: I hate my neighbours' daughters. Every time they visit, they nick my parking space outside my house if I'm not there, so I have to park across the road. They even come out and move their car into my spot if I go out while they're visiting. There's a lamppost next to my parking spot which was once knocked over by a joyrider - why couldn't he have knocked it onto one of their cars? There is just no justice in the world.

Teenagers who walk slowly across the road and force you to brake. Aaaargh!!! Little shits! You're driving along and one of these little turds crosses the road as slow as an arthritic old woman, looking arrogantly at you as you are forced to put the brakes on. "ooh," they're saying. "look how hard I am."
Well, you're not harder than a ton of metal and plastic coming at you at thirty miles an hour you little bastard!
I think we should be allowed to run them over when they do it. They certainly wouldn't do it again, I can promise you that.

Television adverts: They drive me insane. They are so bloody stupid. There a few that I can't even watch, and have to turn over when they come on. My current most hated are "we buy any car", "118-247", and "Take a Break". I think it's the fact that they have these annoying little songs in them. They're the kind of songs that make me want to tear my ears off and puncture my eardrums with a cocktail stick. Why can't advertisers just say what they want and then bugger off? Why can't they just say, "Hey, we're selling this; do you want it or not?"

There are many more, but I'll post them as time goes on.

Corruption

I believe that there will be a terrorist attack in the UK in the next few months. No doubt Mr Bin Laden and al-Qaeda will be blamed. However, think about this: In the event of a national emergency (such as a terrorist attack), the Government has the power to delay a general election.
Think further: Gordon Brown and his so-called Government are probably the most unpopular thing this country has seen since the bubonic plague. The Conservatives are beating them in just about all of the polls at the moment. Finally, note: The UK terror alert has been raised to critical, for no apparent reason.
Watch out for minority men carrying rucksacks...

One final thing I have to say: If David - Mr Bandwagon - Cameron becomes Prime Minister, Britain is in real trouble.