RIP Ernest Borgnine

Sad to hear that Ernest Borgnine died today. He was 95 years old, and apparently died of renal failure. I remember him from some of the disaster movies I used to watch as a kid, and particularly from Airwolf. He was at his best playing the wily sidekick, and had an easy humour about him. He will be missed.

He Did us Proud

Roger Federer walked away with the Wimbledon championship today. I won't say he won, because that would imply there was a loser, and Andy Murray DID NOT lose. He fought hard, he was brave, and showed he had the heart of a lion. He made his family, fans, his sport and his country proud. He was up against one of the greatest champions the sport of Tennis has ever seen, and he put up a good fight. He made Federer toil for every point, he made him bring out his best game, and there couldn't be a right-thinking Briton in the world who wouldn't say that while he may not have lifted the trophy, he was still a winner today. I'm please to say that in every way but one, he did prove me wrong. Well done, Andy.

Come on, Andy!

It's the Wimbledon Men's Final. Andy Murray is playing against Roger Federer. Just by being in this final, Andy has achieved what no other British player has done for 76 years. As I'm writing this, he's down 2 sets to 1, but by no means out...yet. I've reached that age where the glass isn't just half empty, it's also got a dead fly floating in it and a layer of phlegm at the bottom. I no longer have any expectations when it comes to British or English participation in anything. Yes, in my old age, I have become cynical, bitter, spiteful, and a little bit smelly. England competed in the European Championships this year. I didn't expect them to win. Andy Murray is in the Wimbledon final. I don't expect him to win. I hope I'm wrong, though. We have the Olympics in about 20 days. I don't expect us to do too well. I have become my grandfather - a joyless curmudgeon who thinks if you can't say anything bad about something, then you might as well just keep your gob shut. Anyway, come on, Andy. Win Wimbledon and prove me wrong.

Leave Katie Holmes Alone

What the hell is wrong with the press? Katie Holmes is going through a marriage breakdown, she's worrying that her daughter is going to be abducted by a bunch of loonies who think we're all lizards, and rather than the press giving her some space they're just hounding her! And they print such bullshit, too. It's like - ooh, look, Katie Holmes is walking down the street, ooh she's doing some shopping, ooh she's getting into her car. Well WHOOP DE FUCKING DO!!! They say she's looking miserable and upset because she's not smiling. Who walks down the street with a big smile on their face? People would think you're a nutter! Go to London and walk down the street - you won't find a smile anywhere. You'll see scowls, stink-eyes and an occasional glare, but you'd have more luck finding Jimmy Carr's tax returns than a smile. So, are all these people miserable? Actually, yes they probably are, since it's London. Okay, that's a bad example, but you know what I mean! Don't be so frigging pedantic. Why can't papers like The Sun just print the news, stop trying to be funny and show some humanity when people are going through tough times? They come out with all these sad little puns for headlines, and you read them and think, "What sad little basement-dwelling man made that shit up?" They really are like a bunch of kids. The press always say that people have the right to know. Why is that? What gives us the right to know that someone is getting divorced? What gives us the right to have them followed and photographed like some new species of baboon? It's time the government stood up to these dickheads and said, "Oi - you're a newspaper. Report the news or we'll shut you down." Of course, they won't though. Especially not that smarmy git David Cameron. It was the Sun newspaper that almost got him elected. Yeah, remember Cameron, you weren't even popular enough to win outright; you had to join up with the Lib Dems and make Little Nicky Clegg your bitch. Now you hold on to power like a drowning man hangs on to a piece of driftwood. The first chance anybody gets they're going to throw you out, you pair of twats. Sorry, I got a little off the subject there, but I really cannot stand David Cameron and Little Nicky Clegg. Anyway, Katie Holmes... Right, I've been lucky enough to get divorced twice. The first time, I was over the moon. The second time, it broke my heart. But the last thing on planet earth I would have wanted at those times was a twat with a camera sticking his lens in my face. Why do they do it to poor Katie? Just because she's famous, it makes her less human than the rest of us? Okay, I guess that's enough. In the end, my message to the papers is, JUST FECKING STOP IT, OKAY! Rant over.