Monday, 8 December 2014

The Falklands Redemption

Nothing says Britain like our overseas empire. This little island, situated at the top and in the centre of the world map, once boasted an empire so great that it was said the sun never set on it. Quite how we managed such a feat, I have no idea.
Now, I’m nobody’s fan of hegemony. On the contrary, I think invading and disregarding the sovereignty of a foreign nation is a crime that should be punished by death. But when a nation’s people say they want to belong to a particular country, then that should be respected.
That’s why the Argentine position on the Falklands pisses me off. The people there held a referendum and voted overwhelmingly to remain a part of Great Britain. So, that should be the end of the story; Argentina should just fuck off and get on with its own shit.
For those unfamiliar with the Falkland Islands; they are an archipelago on the Patagonian shelf in the South Atlantic Ocean. They have long been a bone of contention between Britain and Argentina - who claim it is they who hold sovereignty of what they call the Islas Malvinas.
They feel so strongly about those islands that on Friday 2nd April 1982 they actually invaded and occupied them, igniting the Falklands Conflict. More than 1,000 soldiers died in the 10 weeks of war that followed. Nearly 2,500 more were injured. At the time, people like me thought that was a high price to pay for a few rocks with sheep and penguins on them.
Of course, back then, people like me had no idea there were vast oil reserves sitting under them. I don’t know if the politicians knew either.
But they do now. They all know that there’s billions of dollars worth of oil sitting under and around those few rocks with their sheep and penguin inhabitants. Needless to say, that raises the stakes somewhat. In 2010, Argentina brokered a deal with other South American nations to set up a blockade which effectively closed regional ports and bases to the UK Royal Navy ships and personnel.
This blockade was set up to exert pressure on Britain over its ownership of the Falklands. It sent a clear message that Argentina had no regard for the wishes of the islands’ population, and that they wanted them, no matter what.
It will come as no surprise to anyone who has read this blog before that such a stance offends me deeply. It’s wrong; and it’s unfair, and that bothers me. It’s like a bloke claiming a woman as his girlfriend. She has absolutely no desire to be his girlfriend and has told him so. She has made it quite clear that she is not his girlfriend and doesn’t want to be; she has told him that she’s your girlfriend and that’s the way she wants it to stay. But he still demands it anyway.
When I was a kid at school, there was this other kid – a real hard-knock – who fancied one of the girls in our class. He asked her out but she told him no; she didn’t fancy him. But he made it clear that nobody else could go out with her either; like he owned her or something. He couldn’t have her, so nobody else could. What a tosser.
My bitter, hate-filled mind simply ignites at all this. I hate unfairness; just as I hate bullying. Look – the Falklands have told you no; so fuck off; find another girlfriend.
I just hope that, if it does kick off, our Army and Navy are still capable of sending them packing again. I imagine it will be harder next time around, thanks to all the cuts the Posh Wankers Club have made.

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