Choke

So, last night was my usual choke-fest. I woke up four times, choking on various unpleasant substances.
It's a horrible experience. The choking in and of itself is bad enough, but there's the taste as well - bitter; acid; sickly-sweet sometimes. I cough this foul stuff into a tissue, and the sight of it turns my stomach.
Is it any wonder I get frustrated; especially when you take into account the fact that I've tried everything to try to stop it happening? Sometimes I cut myself so that the pain will keep me awake. I sleep in an almost upright position.
I've spent most of today in a drug-addled stupor; sleeping on and off for most of it. I've blacked out three times.
In between these periods of unconsciousness I've been watching the episodes of disc three, season nine of The Simpsons. Some of the best episodes they've ever done are on that disc.
I've also been watching disc two of season six of The X-Files. Not as strong as some previous discs but still very entertaining.
Among my vast array of health problems is my reduced liver function. I also get pain in that area which I'd had under control for a while but it's started getting bad again over the last couple of days. I'm going to be really pissed off if that starts getting really bad again.
My entire life has been a case of dealing with pain of one kind or another. My mom used to say, "God only gives you as much pain as you can deal with." That's bollocks. I have had way much more than anyone can be expected to deal with and the bastard still keeps piling it on.
If the Rapture comes, and I get to stand in front of that bastard, and I'm to kick him in the bollocks and gob in his eye. There's going to be no falling to my knees and lowering my eyes. There'll be no praising him or begging for absolution from my sins. I'll be looking him square in the eye and say, "Hey, bastard. Stick your bible up your arse, because that's where my foot's about to go, you twat. All the shit you've piled on me all my life - fuck you and Adolf Hitler. Amen, you bastard."