What's the Point of Jordan?

I know this entry is counter-intuitive, but I want to know – what is the point of Jordan? Why does this talentless, brainless caricature of a woman keep getting press attention?
The Sun newspaper has got to be the worst. She’s in that rag almost every day, and so desperate were they yesterday to find a reason to put her in there that they actually covered her taking delivery of a car.
Well whoopee-fucking-do!!!!!!! Oh my God!! My life is so enriched by seeing a picture of that non-entity having a car delivered. What would I have done without that news yesterday? There’s war in the world, famine, disgraceful behaviour by the press, so many important events taking place all over the world, and The Sun chooses to show some stupid tart jumping for joy at the delivery of her new Porsche while millions in this country are struggling to make it from one week to the next.
Jordan (real name Katie Price, as The Sun likes to point out, as if anyone gives a shit) got famous for showing her tits on Page 3. Then she got more famous for having various boob jobs and plastic surgery and showing her ever-growing norks.
It seems someone told her that getting your kit off means you have absolutely limitless talent and can do anything. So, she decided to spread her wings, and show us all just how talented she wasn’t.
She’s done a sex-tape, written books, gone on a reality TV show and had an incredibly public marriage to a bloke named Peter Andre who once had a chart hit in the 90s and has the gall to call that a musical career. She even went into singing herself. Who can forget the famous recording of the duet she did with Peter before the auto tune got hold of it and tried to make a tune out of it? She must have melted that poor friggin’ machine. It didn’t stop her having another go though, and she recorded a solo single that, thankfully, flopped. The high-point of this was a disastrous “live” performance during which she utterly failed to lip-sync properly and treated people to the sight of two zeppelins tied to a lamp post trying to dance. She later tried to defend this car crash by saying it was really hard to dance and sing at the same time.
Yes, it is, love. It’s even harder when you can’t do either!
So, I’m sending out a message to the media: Please, for the love of God, stop giving that nob-end the publicity she’s so desperate for.