It's the End of the World

This Sunday will see the final edition of the “News” of the World published. I’m a bit upset, because it means I’m going to have to start buying proper toilet paper now.
For 168 years, this gutter-rag has pumped out bullshit and “exposed” scandals in the interests of profits and circulation. How fitting that it has been forced to shut down because it has been involved in a scandal of its own worse than any it has dug up or made up for its own ends.
In its pursuit of the salacious and vulgar, it decided it was above the law and any idea of morals or common decency, and started hacking into people’s phones. As if that wasn’t bad enough, it has also been alleged that they hacked into the phones of Milly Dowler, Holly and Jessica from Soham, and the families of dead war heroes. I can’t think of anything more vile and disgusting. It kind of gives you the idea that they would have actually filmed the murders of those little girls if it meant selling a few more papers. I use papers in its broadest term, and you’ll notice I didn’t include the word “news”.
News International, Rupert Murdoch’s behemoth of a media company, owns the News of the World, and they have decided that finally this piece of gutter press has gone too far. So, they announced that they will shut it down. Far be it from me to suggest that this action was taken because they want to keep people sweet while they’re involved in the whole BSkyB takeover.
The “News” of the World liked to set itself up as some kind of moral conscience by tricking people into incriminating themselves, such as the time they sent someone pretending to be a Saudi sheik to entrap Sven Goran Eriksson. They particularly liked scandalising the England football team right before major tournaments. So, they would kick the shit out of the players and manager’s psyche and then start wailing when they lost. Oh, and they used to love to print paparazzi shots of celebrity nip-slips, or topless sunbathing, or any other form of invasion of privacy.
I personally will miss this rag as much as I miss that really painful spot I had on my arse last week. I think the world is a shitty enough place without some bunch of media bullies walking all over everyone in the pursuit of higher circulation.
So, the tabloid equivalent of an annoying nosey neighbour will finally print its last piece of shit. I would like to say – on behalf of all the people this rag has needlessly embarrassed or hurt – “News” of the World, you will not be missed. If there is a newspaper hell, your seat at Satan’s right hand will be waiting for you. Your only use now will be as a lining for a bird cage – kind of fitting when you consider all the shit you’ve thrown at other people.