Friday, 8 May 2015

The Election - My Two Penn'orth

God help us.
There are some dark times ahead for this country. The army of darkness has pulled off an unlikely victory and now they’re really going to have at us lowly plebs. I’m genuinely frightened.
So how the fuck did it all go wrong? Where’s the hung Parliament and the progressive coalition we thought we were going to get? How the fuck did the pollsters get it so wrong and how the fuck did David Cameron and his posh bastards not only get to stay in power, but also to win a majority?
Let’s start with the easy one first: Little Nicky Clegg and his Lib Dems. They’re saying that they went into that coalition with the Tory bully boys because it was best for this country. Bullshit. They went into that coalition because they wanted a taste of power; they wanted to feel relevant; and they were prepared to betray everyone who trusted them and to sell all their values like a cheap whore to do it. Yesterday they paid the price. David Cameron fucked them all ways till Sunday. Yesterday was the money for a taxi left on the bedside table.
Ed Milliband: Fucking hell; where do I start? First – his campaign wasn’t quite as bad as everybody expected. Most of us thought he was going to come across as an awkward geek; clumsy in word and deed. Apart from his little stumble on Question Time he proved us wrong. He actually made a pretty good fist of the campaign; coming across as confident, passionate, and maybe – and I emphasise maybe – a viable alternative to the evil henchmen of the Tory party. There really wasn’t a lot wrong with how he said it; the problem was what he said.
Going back briefly to that Question Time appearance, he drove a stake through the heart of his campaign when he said Labour hadn’t overspent when they were last in power. Frankly, that was a fucking stupid thing to say. Of course they overspent. Gordon Brown was so desperate to be considered worthy of the office of Prime Minister that he would have spent his kids’ pocket money if he thought it would help. As it was, he sold off our gold reserves as if from the boot of his car. Of course they overspent.
Then there was the EU referendum. That was the one that really killed off his chances of becoming Prime Minister. The people of this country want a referendum, and who is he to say they can’t have one? The idea of voting for a candidate is that you’re voting for someone who’ll do what you want. Why would you vote for somebody who’s definitely not going to carry out your wishes?
The British people don’t want to be part of some European Federation. When they voted in the 1972 referendum they were voting to join the common market, not a European super-state. But like every good idea – put it in the hands of the politicians and they’ll always screw it up. It’s just about the only thing you can be sure of with them. Immigration is another one: Fantastic idea – it has enriched this country beyond measure. But, again, the politicians got hold of it and messed it up. They had an open-door policy, but they didn’t bother to build up the country’s infrastructure to cope with the influx. So now, rather than seeing foreign nationals as a valuable addition to our culture, many regard them with resentment, and even open hostility, because they feel the country can’t cope.
Which brings me neatly onto UKIP: To quote Bruce Forsythe – didn’t they do well? But that was to be expected, because they were able to capitalise on a growing nationalist sentiment in this country and portray themselves as the party that was listening to the fears of the British public on immigration. And if we had a fairer voting system, they would be a formidable force in Parliament.
I watched the BBC coverage until six this morning, and the thing that annoyed me was that they never mentioned – even in passing – the massive swing to UKIP in the context of people voting against David Cameron. It’s like UKIP are the Lord Voldemort of British politics, and we dare not speak their name in case people think we’re racist.
A massive amount of people voted against David Cameron yesterday. More than 3 million people saw UKIP as the party they wanted to represent them in the House of Commons. How many of those people would have voted Labour if UKIP hadn’t been standing? I would argue that the political map would be a hell of a lot different today, and we might be looking at a new Prime Minister.
The British people don’t want David Cameron in charge of this country. They made that very clear yesterday. Unfortunately, they also made clear that they weren’t too keen on Ed Milliband either. What a tragedy that by voting the way they did, they got the very thing they were voting against.

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