Perez Hilton - Twat

Who the fuck is Perez Hilton? More importantly – who the fuck does he think he is?

I’d only ever heard the name until this year’s Celebrity Big Brother. Now, as a result of me having been forced to watch that pap by my daughter, I learn that Perez Hilton is, in fact, a twat.

Like many celebrities these days, he is entirely without talent, purpose or relevance. He is simply famous for being a twat.

Perez Hilton’s not even his real name. It’s a “persona”; his real name is Mario Armando Lavandeira Jr. So, although he has no talent, and no right to be on any stage, he has given himself a stage-name. Twat.

He was a big fat cunt when he became famous. He was obviously bullied and unpopular, so he decided to use the internet to take it out on celebrities. He became a “celebrity blogger” – one of those sad little fucks so desperate for attention from famous people that he realises he can only get it by being a twat about them.

He’s lost weight now, and he looks even more freakish. He’s got a midget’s head on a normal body. I guess when you’re that ugly it can make you bitter. Also, like many fatties who became thin, he has gone from putting the chips into his big fat gob to having them on his shoulder instead. So watch out all you famous people: You have so many things that this freak wants but can never have so he’s going to piss on you instead. He’s like that kid at school who puts someone’s girlfriend down and calls her ugly just because she turned him down when he asked her out. Twat.

Now on Celebrity Big Brother he has attained new levels of twattery with his desperate attention-seeking and reprehensible behaviour. He’s been so bad; so annoying and so fucking vile that he’s got me cheering for Katie Hopkins.

Did you read that? This toss-bucket drama-fuck wank-crust is so bad that he’s got me liking, and cheering for, Katie Hopkins. KATIE HOPKINS!!!! The shit-spewing harridan who lives – and has gained celebrity – for being nasty and saying horrible things about everybody - this twat is actually worse than her!!!

I beg of you all; for the sake of my sanity and my television, vote this shit-nugget off that show so I can go back to never coming across his ugly fucking face except in my worst dreams.

He’s a twat.