David CaMORON

Please, for the love of God, and for the sake of what remains of my sanity, will someone with access to David Cameron please smash his face in. Every time I see the smarmy git on television I just want to wrap a cricket bat around his head. He's like a huge set of lips rushing towards the nearest arse.
And what's all this crap with him trying to pretend he's a normal person? A working class hero? He's about as working class as the Queen's arse-crack.
How dare this nob compare himself to people like me. He was born with a silver spoon in his mouth - the nearest I ever got to silver spoon when I was a kid was the brand of sugar my mom used to buy. Normal people aren't born into wealth. My dad was an electrician, my mom was a lazy cow. Needless to say, money was just what other people had. I bet Cameron never heard his dad shout, "Start turning the bloody lights off when you're not in the room - we can't go on holiday this year because of the electric bill."
Cameron went to a school where there were people called "head boy" and "fag". I went to a school where "head boy" meant a mental case and a "fag" was something you smoked behind the science labs.
He went to a school where they served gourmet foods on silver plates. I went to a school where they didn't so much cook the food as assassinate it. We had overcooked vegetables, sausages that really did look like detached penises, and you won a prize if you could identify the pudding. At my school, Spotted Dick wasn't a dessert - it was a medical complaint.
Then there was that photograph of him on public transport, desperately trying to show how normal he was. I noticed there was no one sitting next to him. I'm sure his entourage cleared the whole carriage for him. I bet that was the only time he's ever been on public transport. I bet he's never been on his way home on the night bus and had some fat, smelly drunk with his flies open sit next to him and start talking to him about how his wife doesn't understand him and his kids are little bastards, and all the while he's spraying your face with saliva that's at least 70% proof.
Let's face it, Cameron, you're a posh twat. You were born a posh twat; you've lived your life as a posh twat, and you'll die a posh twat. And your funeral will be attended by a load of other posh twats.
I beg of you, people of Britain, please do not vote for this man. I promise you, if you do, you won't be able to hear yourself think for the sound of lips connecting with arse cheeks.