Tony Blair - Total Cock

July 2014: Ex-Prime Minister Tony Blair finally opens up about his post-PM career as a global prostitute raking in millions from selling his soul and anything else to anyone who can cough up the readies. He said he’s still motivated by the same “values” as when he sleazed his way to victory in the 1997 General Election.

‘I haven’t changed,’ he said, ‘despite people wanting to say that I have changed. The same thing that motivated me when I stood here as Labour leader 20 years ago motivates me today…’

That’s probably the most honest thing he’s ever said. It doesn’t take a genius to see he was, is, and always will be motivated by greed.

When you consider the kind of people he associates with, this should be obvious to anyone. He used to be bosom buddies with Rupert Murdoch – possibly the biggest megalomaniac on the planet. They will have shared many a private moment, and – if the rumours in the papers are to be believed – they will have shared Murdoch’s wife, Wendi Deng.

So, during his lifetime commitment to grubbing as much money as he possibly could, he led Britain into war against Iraq in 2003. This was despite the fact that the sovereign state of Iraq had never attacked Britain or even threatened to. The people responsible for the 9/11 atrocities were in Afghanistan, and had stronger ties to Saudi Arabia than Iraq.

There were accusations that Iraq harboured terrorists. Pakistan has been accused of the same; as has Russia. Then there’s North Korea – itself designated a terrorist state.

This evidence alone should make it clear that Iraq had no WMDs. If they did have them then Blair and Bush wouldn’t have invaded. They haven’t invaded Pakistan, Russia or North Korea. Why? Because they really do have WMDs that they could bring to bear on us all.

Iraq was an easy target. And better still – it had oil! Black Gold; Texas Tea. The pound signs must have been rolling in Blair’s eyes. He must have been champing at the bit to send our armies over there.

The Iraq invasion was the global equivalent of the school bully taking the smaller kids’ lunch money.

Now there’s the Chilcot Inquiry into the invasion of Iraq. Established in June 2009, it’s an investigation into the reasons why Britain decided to outrage and take a huge steaming dump on the concept of international law, decency and morality and embark on an illegal war that cost over 100,000 lives and displaced 4m people.

Nearly six years later, we’re still waiting for the Chilcot Report. That’s right – six fucking years; and even after all this time, John Chilcot still can’t say when it will be published. I wonder why that is.

Well, we know that the report will not reflect kindly on Blair. Some believe it will prove what most of us already know in our hearts – that Tony Blair is a sociopathic fortune-hunter and war-criminal and should share the same fate as the man whose country he shat on.