Okay, I'm watching Jelena "Jelly" Jankovic against Martinez and there's not an erect nipple in sight. So disappointing.
I'm a big fan of Jelly as a tennis player. She's very talented, and on her day she can be a joy to watch.
Unfortunately, today doesn't seem to be her day. She seems a bit out of sorts today and is struggling.
Pardon my vulgarity, but do you think women tennis player's fannies get really sweaty when they're playing? Do you think there's steam coming off them when they go into the shower after a match? They must be giving out a right pong.
Does Jelly suffer from hayfever? I've noticed she blows her nose a lot during matches. Not while playing, of course, just when they take a break.
It's sad to see former world number ones struggling. It's kind of like seeing a tiger with the flu getting a kicking from a hyaena.
Come on Jelly!
She's serving to stay in the match at the moment. Get in! She just played a great volley to win the point.
Why do some players make those ridiculous noises? Martinez sounds like a sheep with nipple clamps on sometimes. It must work, though, because she's just won the match.
So, that's the secret for winning at Wimbledon - just make stupid noises.
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